The Yellow Dart Says… August 2011
Posted in Concert Reviews, The Yellow Dart Says... on August 26th, 2011 by Jon.TheYellowDart‘S been a bit.
I first want to say that I’ve been delayed in contributing only by my vaulting ambition. My Hamletian (a word?) efforts have striven toward completing the epic saga of R. Youfuckingkiddingme?: the R. Kelly Story. It has proven a multitudinous (the right word?) task since I really hate watching the Trapped in a Closet videos and there are 22 of them. I’ve actually managed to watch zero so far.
As such, I’m clearly not ready to contribute the first of the saga yet. Fortunately, I attended some concerts recently. So we’ll (I’ll) talk about that.
Understand, I am a child. Mark Abigail Hoppus, Tom Lucinda Delonge, and Travis Saxon Wolfcock Barker are also children. The 15ish some odd thousand people around me were children. And those 20 thousand people love those three idiots with all of their hearts. Regardless of how terrible Tom might have been live last time I saw them (which was heinous), this time he was still able to get 25,000 people singing “I Wanna Fuck a Dog in the Ass” a capella at him while he listened on stage. When 35 thousand people can come together (and stay together, for the kids, lolololol) for anything at all, let alone a diddy about bestiality, it’s something special.
The show was held at Jiffy Lube Live in Bristow, VA. We headed there late. WE HAVE JOBS, SHUT UP. All I had heard prior to the show were horror stories about the traffic to the venue, the parking situation, and the terror-drama of attempting to leave before the next day’s sunrise.
Let me back up.
My schedule for the weekend was thus:
- Friday: Blink 182 concert @ 7:00 pm in VA, ending @ 11:00 pm-ish
- 1.5 hour drive back home.
- Immediate 3 hour drive to go to my friend [redacted]‘s house in PA
- 4-ish hours of sleep
- Saturday: Wake at 8:30 am-ish
- Drive 6 hours to Toronto, ON, Canada
- Jeff Mangum show @ 6:30 pm
- Party Hard w/ Andrew W.K. (not really, but c’mon, it’d be so sweet OMG) in Toronto
- Sleep
- Sunday: Check Out at 12:00 noon
- Drive 6 hours to PA
- Weep n’ sleep
Fortunately, I didn’t have to do the 9.5 hour long-haul back to MD right away, so that was nice.
Anywho.
If you’re good with times, you can see that being stuck in Jiffy Lube traffic on Friday night would fuck my plans in their gay little mouths. Just facts.
The opening acts for Blink were Manchester Orchestra (who I love) and My Chemical (B)Romance (who I like). We got there in time to hear Manchester Orchestra’s last few songs while walking through the parking lot. Fuckin [your least favorite group of people], I tell ya. It sounded like I would have enjoyed it.
After making the 14 mile journey to the venue from the parking lot, we were able to treat ourselves to $15 worth of corn dogs (1) and steak sandwiches (1). I’ve had better of both. Especially corn dogs. In fact, real quick: How does one fuck up a corn dog? The fine folks of Bristow, VA managed to take an ostensibly impossible to ruin food item and demoralize it. I wish I had a picture.
Following our paltry scraps, we took our empty pockets to our lawn seats for My Chemical (B)Romance’s set. They were good. I hadn’t heard their new single, but it sounds a lot more electro-pop than their other offerings. Not so much for me, but the 40,000 people in attendance seemed into it. Their throwback numbers from Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge were nostalgia incarnate and I finally got to hear their Black Parade tunes. Gerard Way dropped a few octaves here and there and avoided the highest of notes, but they still did a great job keeping the crowd of 45,000 strong going.
A few songs before their set finished, a stadium worker was passing out tickets for seats under the roof, so my roommate (life partner) grabbed two and we moved up to Section 301, Row something or other. 4 from the front of the section. Sweet deal.
Soon thereafter, Blink came out to a deafening chorus of cheers from the 50,000 fans. The last time I saw them perform, it was their first outing after reuniting last year. Tom essentially ruined my childhood by botching both guitar riffs and lyrics throughout the entire set. This time around, despite looking a bit like present-day Axl Rose, he was like Aerosmith: he didn’t miss a thing (Ehhhh?!) But srsly, he even improvised, which ruins my theory that he never actually knew how to play an instrument. They were excellent all around; their new songs were good and my upcoming new CD boner won’t be down until 9/27 when Neighborhoods drops (along with my boner).
As the encore was fading out, my roommate [redacted life partner] and I slowly meandered to the aisle. We began creeping up the hill, then jogging. Suddenly, running. Careening through the parking lot, some gaggles of kids following suit, we crashed into our car seats, peeled out on the gravel, through the cones, over some stragglers now lifeless bodies, and were car number 8 in line to leave. We beat nearly all of the 100,000 people out of the venue and waited for no one. I came buckets.
I made it home by midnight, left at 12:30, got to PA at 3:30. Woke at 8:30. Drove to Toronto. Got in line at a local church at 5:30. Then. Jeff Mangum.
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is probably my choice for Best Album Ever, once people are concerned with my opinion on that sort of thing (Christmas 2031. Look out.). Jeff Mangum hasn’t played a tour in around 14 years, I’ve been told. I was understandably excited. If you don’t understand my excitement, I ask that you kindly get out of the car. Go on.
GET OUT.
Now then. That bitch is gone. When we arrived at the venue an hour before doors, there was already a line around the building. The crowd was ready to go. Entering the church, which was a Unitarian church if that matters to anyone, it was, conservatively speaking, hot as balls. We went for balcony seats, because everyone knows how heat sinks. The only negative I can say about the entire concert experience was the 1.5 hour wait inside the church for the opening act to come on. The church kept cranking through the same 3 non-denominational hymns while we waited. Made up for all the years I’ve skipped going to church, I guess.
The opening act was a combination of Elephant 6 Collective members that people more versed in the Elephant 6 Collective’s history could tell you about more effectively than I. By virtue of my travel (and other life) partner, I know the one gentleman was Scott Spillane and another was Andrew something. There was also a woman who sounded like Kimya Dawson. Their music was a lot like Daniel Johnston. Very basic musically and very stream of consciousness lyrically, almost amateur in delivery, but enjoyable nonetheless and made more so by the fact that the crowd seemed to be very supportive of anything they were offered, which is always amazing.
Side note: Scott Spillane is the epitome of people who don’t care what other people think of them. He’s in his early 40′s, but looks 65. He has a white amish beard and a pepper grey bowl cut. He is not a lightweight gentleman. He wore shorts and high dad socks. He bellows like a redneck Povarotti. I couldn’t find a picture that does him justice. I love him.
Following their set, the greatest Jeff Mangum of them all took the stage: Jeff Mangum. He started with ‘Oh, Comely’ and ‘In the Aeroplane Over the Sea,’ so if you were there for the only 2 songs you know, you could have left right then. The silence that overtook the room when he started ‘Oh, Comely’ was really intense. Easily the most intense silence in human history cause I’ve, like, been there, man. During his set he said something that actually made me think and took away the mythical mystique I’ve formed around him over the years. It went: “There’s some bullshit rumor going around that people don’t sing my songs. Why the fuck else would I write them?”
That’s the perfect sentiment. He made us sing. We sang. It was the most tightly knit crowd of concert goers I’ve ever been among. It was mostly indescribable, so I won’t try any more. If you have the chance, see him. Like his music or not, I don’t care. It’s worth it.
It’s a shame that nothing really comical happened throughout that show. So, I can’t really make anymore ha ha’s.
Just wait for the R. Kelly saga. It’ll likely be too funny. And very little of that will be because of me.
**EDIT: The day after I finished this, I saw Buckethead in Baltimore.
The briefest review I can come up with is this: Whoever your favorite musician is, it doesn’t matter. Buckethead is better.
Neutral Milk Hotel – So Comely [YSI]
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